Science Reveals: Subway Owners who give middle age men wearing Star Wars shirts extra pastrami for FREE are more intelligent than those who don’t. 

 May 20, 2020

In what may be the most important discovery of our lifetime, scientists now believe Subway owners who aren’t greedy and happily give extra pastrami to specific customers are way smarter than other Subway owners.

A study conducted by The Science College produced a report backed by 57 top scientists finds whenever middle aged men order at their local Subway, if they receive extra meat on their sandwich for free, the owner, as well as their employees receive a “boost” in intelligence that can last as long as 24 hours.

The study reveals this boost in intelligence only occurs under the right conditions.

​The customer must be between 35-40 years old, have a name that starts with an “S”, live in his mother’s basement, have a large collection of Star Wars T-Shirts, plays video games, knows the ‘truth’ about the Government, and visits the store around 11:30am.

When the right criteria is met, the owner’s (and current working employees’) IQ gets a 20% bump.

Of course, the science community is very enthusiastic about this finding.

“We haven’t been this excited since we discovered giving away free White Chocolate Macadamia nut cookies makes people 50% more attractive” one scientists says.

One thing’s for sure, the science is sound and has the final word. No further research is necessary.

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