In a recent study on modern living conditions, 200 scientists, concluded people live longer when living partially or fully underground.
Because of the added insulation, colder temperatures, and time displacement, underground living prolonged the life of occupants by as much as 11%, says lead researcher Ripley Tiegoz.
“We were pleased with our findings” Tiegoz elated, “it’s rare to find a test group so willing to participate.”
“The bulk of our test participants were already living underground in either basements or below ground apartments. Because most were out of work and living with their parents, they happily agreed to be observed. Our control group were the occupants living above the target”
The study also confirmed the Time Displacement Anomaly (TDA). First discovered by Albert Einstein, time displacement occurs when the reality of time changes based on elevation and perception.
This is why those living in a basement aged 11% slower than upstairs occupants.
In an interview with both the study participant and their upstairs counterpart, we asked each separately, “How long have you/they been living here?”
- Subject: "Just over 7 years."
- Control: "It's been 10 f*cking years!"
Although time as a whole did not change, the basement dweller’s time perception resulted in age deceleration thus extending their lifespan by almost 3 years.
It is unclear if those living in their parent’s basement can live forever, however; science does suggest this as a possibility.