Science Reveals: Why it’s Taken 22 Years For Your Dad to Go Buy Cigarettes. 

 May 20, 2020

Have you often wondered why journeys to a convenient store take longer for some people? Do you find it odd your father says things like “take care of your mother” when he’s just going to the store for a pack of Marlboros?

You’re not alone.

Luckily, science has discovered a gap in the time space continuum that explains this strange phenomenon.

Whenever your dad says “I’m going to the Texaco for smokes” he’s actually conjuring a wormhole into an alternate universe.

A universe where it only takes him 15 minutes to travel to the store, buy cigarettes, come back, and play catch with a 9 year old you.

Unfortunately, your current timeline goes unaltered and you’re left waiting indefinitely for his return.  

Meanwhile, in your dad’s new timeline, he’s been part of your life with zero interruption. In fact, he was there when you graduated valedictorian.

He was there when you earned that big time science scholarship, and he was super proud when you got that sweet science job and discovered time travel.

Even though you, in this very moment, haven’t been as successful as your alternate universe self, there’s something important you should know.

In your dad’s “perfect” universe, video games never took off, flying cars crash all the time, and Hot-Pockets do not exist.

Science believes this is a fair trade. In fact, you’re probably better off.

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