In a bazar attempt to remain relevant, A sex tape has emerged apparently showing Dr. Fauci engaging in roleplay with an unknown nurse.
Addressed to, "news people" and labeled "Fauci with Nurse", news outlets across America each received a VHS cassette containing the disturbing footage.
"We didn't know what to expect. All of us were afraid to see what was on the tape. It took us hours to find a working VCR to play the video." - Dale R. MSNBC.
Although crude, the video was obviously planned. Fauci can be heard talking to the camera operator at the end of several scenes.
"It was hard to watch, kind of like a like a train wreck if that train wreck was old, naked, and having sex." - Hailey K. The Washington Times
Journalists quickly figured out this video was made recently due to several clues.
"Most sex tapes are old. This wasn't a 1982 Fauci caught with his pants down; this was a two months ago Fauci playing doctor and yelling 'Take my cotton swab!' over and over." - Troy M. The Wokest
We approached Fauci for comment and got the same response other newsrooms received. "I have nooooo idea what you're talking about".